i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
