This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
