Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize