I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
