My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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