Your tits are I can't wait for
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
