just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am spending my child support on dildos
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
