Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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