halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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