My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
