What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize