Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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