Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
