You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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