i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize