Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
