Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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