ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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