I love black thongs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
