I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
