i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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