i jhust puked up my retainher.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
