i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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