you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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