I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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