i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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