I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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