i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
