i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
