the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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