I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
