I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
