It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
