Kiss
Puke
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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