arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize