It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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