Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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