member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
