Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
