i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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