sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
