He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
