Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
