im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
