i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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