been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
