Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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