I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
