just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Of course I have a pirate flag
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
