It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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