my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
