Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
