Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
