that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
