the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize