You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
