You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
