No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
