I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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