you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize