listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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