How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
