brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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