Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize