I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
