i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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