when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize