my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There r osticjed everywhere
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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