I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
