Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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