i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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