I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
