i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
