I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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