Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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