Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
