I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
