hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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