I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
no. you can't hotbox the world.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize