So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
