just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Terrible idea I love it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
