In the future we'll all be gay
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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