you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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